I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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