he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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