haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
