This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
