remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
