Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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