now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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