hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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