Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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