Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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