Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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