so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
