i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
it's like heaven, but drunker
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
