I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
