I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
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