Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
