did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
