u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just gargled with NyQuil
did i just pee glitter
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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