just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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