my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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