the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
