Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
