Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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