Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
