I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
