There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
