i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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