it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
