Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
