i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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