Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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