There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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