You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
