I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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