I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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