John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
