i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
