That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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