so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
