why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize