booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
