I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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