I'm so fucking centered right now
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize