just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I had to cum in my sink.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize