Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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