Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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