just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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