I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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