If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
