Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
