in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
