How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My breasts were aching with rage.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
