There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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