somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The struggles of a small town man whore
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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