you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
