Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
