Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
