adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize