he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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