butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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