just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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