Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
