You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
