You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
