If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize