she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
