Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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