Sry I called you an 8
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize