roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
