i don't like sucking hair
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
