I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
