I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
