well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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