i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
