I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
