Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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