everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
