I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize