He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
