dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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