Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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