This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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