Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
