at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize