After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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