At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
