i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
