Whod you bang
People in love make me want to vomit
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
