If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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