new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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