question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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