Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
