Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
