My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
