Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
