Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
