Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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