I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
