yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So squirting runs in the family.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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