wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
