3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
