It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
