Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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