I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
