The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
