I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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