he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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