I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
