Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
