i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
